I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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