if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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