they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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