Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
