I accidentally burped into my bong.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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