i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
