Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
