hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
