would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
