haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize