i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
