then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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