my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
