So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
