This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
