and she was petting her beer can
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
