I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
