Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
