Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
