Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
