Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
