what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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