I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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