I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
