He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
