We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I am morally bankrupt
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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