dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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