dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
