There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
