Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We got so high we made milksteak
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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