it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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