After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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