There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
