Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
