just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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