so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
