Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
