1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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