Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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