you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Your cock deserves a montage
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
