Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
