Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
