Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
