I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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