if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
