he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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