She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
