we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
