so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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