Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
