Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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