giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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