He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
