the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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