i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We left the knife in your bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
