I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
