if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
