if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
