SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.