Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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