clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.