first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window