Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize