Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
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im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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