I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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