Nicole vs. Life
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She bit a glass in half.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
