you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
