Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
