sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
