White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
