We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
