Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
