Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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