First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
