If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
