just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
