I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
