its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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